Living your values: a mirror, not a score
Notice which of your values showed up in how you responded, and which didn't. It's information, never a grade.
Values are directions
A value isn't a goal you tick off. It's a direction you keep walking in, like courage, family, health or honesty. You never "finish" being a good friend. You just take the next step that way, or you don't, this time.
Two simple questions
Researchers who study values-based living often ask two questions about each area of life (Wilson et al., 2010):
- How much does this matter to me?
- How much have I actually lived it lately?
The useful part is the gap between them. A big gap isn't a failure. It shows you where something important is being squeezed. Values work is about noticing and choosing, not about hitting a number.
Using it after a feeling
When a feeling comes up, look at how you responded:
- Which values were you living? Maybe you spoke up (courage), or stepped back to protect your sleep (health).
- Which ones weren't you living? Maybe you snapped at someone you love (family), or said yes when you meant no.
Both are often true at once. That's normal.
Hard feelings often point at what matters. Frustration can show up where fairness matters to you. Guilt can show up where care matters. Asking "what does this feeling say I care about?" can turn a rough moment into useful information.
A mirror, not a policeman
This step isn't there to judge you. It reflects what happened so you can choose your next small step. Be as kind to yourself as you'd be to a friend. Often the most values-congruent thing you can do is notice, without beating yourself up.
Try it in the app
- In Your response, write briefly what you did.
- Tap a value once if you were living it (✓), twice if it got squeezed (✗).
- Ask: "What's one small step towards a squeezed value in the next day?" and note it.
- Over time, notice which values show up most, and which keep getting crowded out.
If it gets too much: stop, ground yourself, and reach out. In Aotearoa New Zealand, call or text 1737 any time to talk with a trained counsellor. In an emergency, call 111.
Sources
- Wilson, Sandoz, Kitchens & Roberts (2010), The Valued Living Questionnaire (author manuscript)